A checklist for BDSM activities? That sounds more like coursework than fun intercourse. However, hear us out! A BDSM checklist can be a practical way to communicate your desires and experience levels to your partner — and to learn theirs in turn. Of course, filling out a checklist for BDSM can also be fun and can introduce you to new activities to try!
Why a BDSM Checklist?
A BDSM checklist can be a useful tool in your relationship. That’s exactly why we created this one that you can fill out with your partner.
Obviously, it helps you and a new partner get on the same page. You’ll know one another’s interests and experiences.
If you’re a BDSM beginner, the options available to you might be mind blowing, and a checklist is a great place to start so you aren’t too overwhelmed. Don’t forget to read our BDSM for beginners guide.
But a BDSM checklist is also helpful for existing partners. It might unveil an interest or highlight an activity that you’re only doing for your partner. As interests and experiences change, you can update your BDSM checklist and check in with one another. You might decide to try something new or scale back from an activity that neither of you really enjoys.
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This doesn’t mean that you need to have a partner to get use out of a BDSM checklist. As a single person, you can discover more about yourself and perhaps focus on what you really want from sex and/or BDSM partners in the future.
Note that you don’t necessarily need a checklist. Some people have fewer BDSM interests, and they’ve discussed those with their partners. You may have been together long enough that you don’t think filling out a checklist will be a good use of your time. That’s okay. You can also skip sections if you know you have no interest in them whatsoever.
Some BDSM couples use a modified checklist as part of their BDSM contract. This list is usually shorter than the one you’ll find below and may simply be a list of those interests that you’re not interested in, also known as limits.
Learn more about and see sample examples of BDSM contracts.
Not Just for Submissives
A BDSM checklist, like a safe word, is sometimes painted as something that’s only useful for people who identify as submissive. But we don’t agree with that! A dominant person may prefer to try or avoid specific activities, which could be a problem if you only like leather but your submissive partner loves rope bondage. Plus, some people are switches.
So go ahead and fill out the checklist no matter how you identify!