Once you and your partner get to know each other’s kinks a little better, you may be able to start at a more advanced level of intensity. But don't forget that the buildup can intensify the pleasure. And that's what kink is all about.
Here are 3 steps to ease into experimenting with BDSM for maximum pleasure with any woman:
When you're ready to talk to your partner about stepping up the kink in your relationship, the first thing to do is block off some specific time. Whether it's at a fancy restaurant, a local dive, or your front porch, make the date about the conversation.
As excited as you may be about the prospect, you must go into the conversation with an open mind. You need to be ready to hear that your partner is simply a “vanilla” — a person whose sexual tastes don't include kink. On the other hand, you also must be prepared to explore her sexual desires, as well, even if they make you squirm.
Kink only works with two open-minded, consenting adults. When it comes to BDSM dating, consent is the most important — and sexiest thing about the relationship.
Anything short of that is simply one partner humoring the other. While compromise is an important part of a relationship, it can be unfulfilling when it comes to mutual sexual exploration.
Start simple. Once you and your partner decide to try a little kink, don't dive into your deepest desires right away. Begin slowly, and only try one new experience at a time.
Trying too much too soon is a rookie mistake. You've got to elevate your comfort levels gradually so that you and your partner are both ready when it comes time to take it to the next level. But, when you get there, you'll be happy you took the leap.
Getting started with kink doesn't have to be complicated. You don’t need the latest in ball gag technology. The only things you really need are consent and some boundaries.
The most important thing to remember when you start playing around with kink is that it's based on pleasure. It's not violence or punishment in the real-world sense. In the bedroom, or wherever, the only reason for rough sex is to make you both feel good.
And when it doesn't feel good, you have to stop. Consent is the most important component of kink and BDSM. If you don’t have it, you can’t do it.
Another important component is a safe word. If you’re just experimenting with kink like rough sex, spanking or nipple play, you may not need a safe word: “No” and “Stop” should work just fine.
Just make sure you both know when enough is enough. Going beyond the stopping point is violence, and harming one another is definitely not the point of kink.
On the other hand, the deeper you get into roles and fantasies, the more important a safe word becomes. If you are enacting a rape scenario, “No” is not going to work as a safe word.
What you're trying to do is create a more intense erotic (emotional and physical) experience. The intensity of the feelings creates a bonding experience and can help make your relationship stronger.
In some cases, kink does not even involve sex. Many practitioners find the stimulation from a kinky act, say spanking, intense enough that it doesn't even have to be paired with sex. You and your partner need to figure out what works right for you.
When you're talking with your partner, you both have to be clear about what you want to do and what you don't want to do. Do you want to spank, be spanked, both? Will this happen before, during or after sex — or is sex even involved?