Just to make you think… even a Dominant can be reluctant… for some role play… This is a post on reddit by attorneyinfact99.
I searched "reluctant dom" and found some really old threads, so I thought it might be okay to bring it up again. I'm a late 30's straight man, experienced in relationships, dating, but never married, never lived-with-gf, etc. (mainly a serial monogamist). My new girlfriend has been slowly dropping information on her kinks--the main one being sub in 'power' type scenarios.
I'm pretty familiar through reading with BDSM generally, like Marquis de Sade, Story of O, Anne Roquelaure, etc. and now various online erotica, tumblrs etc. But, I never identified with the dom in those stories and it's never been my kink. If anything, I'm probably more of female body worship type, giving massage, loving big ass etc.
I have a melancholic/depressive streak which means I know darkness very well, but I try to be positive in every way with friends and especially lovers. I do social justice type work, and I've always had a particular grudge/hate against egotistical selfish abusive type people. In particular, I remember hating when my dad was overly domineering in our family (which was rare and nothing compared to a lot of people I'm sure).
So, as far as sex, I'm a big giver, and I've also had positive response from light dom, like holding arms down, spanking, a little hair pulling etc. I'd be happy to do even more physically dom stuff if someone wanted me to. But . . . finally to the point.... the part that trips me out bout the present relationship is that she wants the mental aspect of domination. She mentioned experimenting at a swingers party (hmmm) and then dropped 'daddy/daughter' role play as a fantasy (WHAT!?) I would NEVER fantasize about sexual abuse of a daughter; it seemed ludicrous. I told her, look if you had said professor/college student or something, I could handle that--maybe even high school / babysitter etc.. But daughter? I felt sick. She realized, said it was just figurative, etc. and we kinda let it drop.
I like her a ton, our sex is fantastic, we get along really well..... I wanted to make an effort for her. So, one night I did challenge being very directive, boss-like etc., and somewhat negative ("you'll need to do a lot better than that" etc.). As she was giving me a BJ and was turned on, I reached down and worked my finger into her ass (which is not weird for me, I'm good at it), but I said some things like 'you didn't ask for that, did you' 'I just did it and I know you like it', etc.) Well, she ended up absolutely loving all of it and was super appreciative. But, afterwards, I literally felt like I was the one who had to mentally recover. I never have used serious scolding tones during sex and did things to someone while saying things about not needing consent to do what I want etc. I felt awful. It felt like it wasn't me. I sort of resented her for making me do something contrary to who I thought I was. When I finally had some time to process it all, I came around--she loved it, it's her fantasy etc. Another time, I figured out an angle I'm more okay with--the lawyer/secretary approach--directive, stern, but not degrading.